Sometimes, as i reflect on life.
And people as a whole.
I find many things.
So strange.
And pathetic.
And yet pitiful.
Many things happen for a reason.
And many things occur without a reason.
Some people work hard and get good results.
Some people work hard but dont get the results they deserve.
So what's important?
The process?
Or the result?
Inevitably, people judge by results.
But are results the most important?
When you eat?
Do you enjoy the food?
Or do you just wanna make yourself full?
which is more important.
Ok maybe some people eat just so they wont be hungry.
But i enjoy the process more than anything else when i eat.
So how do you judge people?
By their results?
Well, there really isnt any fair way to judge anybody.
Because you, basically, dont understand.
Sometimes before people judge others, they shud crawl into tt person's skin.
And try to understand.
Try to understand wad's going on inside the person.
Understand the person's feelings.
Look at it from that person's perspective.
Try to look at things from that person's position.
And understand the situation.
And if you cant understand, then why judge?
Different environments, different backgrounds would carve different images of people.
Angels or devils.
During world war two, the person who killed most would probably be hailed as the best nazi in the german camp.
That was during the time.
In our time, he would probably be the most hated human in the world.
If u get wad i mean. 
just an analogy.
Humans are still humans.
Your actions are based on what defines you.
What you are made up of.
This will probably influence most decisions you make.
Whether its a small matter or a big matter.
More often than not, humans' decisions are irrational.
Even if you think you're a v logical person.
Or a v practical person.
Or wdv.
More often than that, your decisions are based on wad u like and dislike.
For example, the food you choose.
It's just that part of human - all humans have preferances.
That's what makes decisions irrational.
Cos the decisions are nt based purely on wad seems good or bad.
It's good orbad jus cos it satisfies your emotions or your desires.
People thrive on experiencing extreme emotions.You like feeling extremely happy, extremely sad, or extremely neutral.
You wont like feeling an emotion that's in between happy and neutral for example isnt it.
ok maybe that's subjective. but ya i wouldnt enjoy that.
I just hate the way people like judging others.
Even when they dont understand the situation.
Or the inner struggles of others. That people are going thru.
Or the good stuff others have done.
People like concentrating on the bad stuff.
People only rmb the bad stuff.
Or rather rmb the bad stuff inflicted on them.
Much more than they rmb the good stuff that people give them.
Or god gave them. 
The talents they have.
The intelligence they have.
The limbs they have.
Or the v fact that they are living and breathing.
One thing humans thrive on: Spotting mistakes.
Spotting bad points.
Cos it makes them feel superior.
That is the truth.
The hard truth.
Sigh. Having an avalanche of emotions now.
Haven been like that for a really really long time.
You know sometimes i wonder, do actions matter more?
Or thoughts matter more?
You know people normally say its the thought that counts.
But den agn. Is it true
If you really have the "thought"
den why dun u carry that "thought" out?
doesnt make you too sincere does it?
Sometimes actions would carry thru that sincerity more doesnt it.
But den agn, sometimes, some actions may look good but they may nt be sincere.
Sigh. Some things are so intangible.
And humans still judge.
I judge people too.
Altho i hate being judged too.
But at least.
I try looking at it from others' perspective before judging them. 

Sigh..
Sometimes as i reflect upon all that ive gained and all tt i've lost.
I just wonder if im tt blessed after all.
I don't know.
God's always fair.
i believe so at least.
You are bound to lose some if you gain some.
And vice versa.
Materialistically or psychologically.
Basically mind or body.
Ya.
Looking over the years.
I remember all the small details in life.
That others never seem to remember.
How we used to compare xi2 zi4 handwriting in primary school.
All the bottle cap kicking at the back alleys.
Sepak takraw kicking.
Primary school PE were never really fun.
Somehow the teachers don't know how to structure them..
I rmb how we used to play "soccer" on paper. u noe u take turns to roll a dice if you win u get pass 1 player.
i think i would enjoy tt now too...
its amazing how those days could be so simple...
Sec 1 and 2 was just soccer soccer and soccer...
The class was so bonded going against just 1 person nvr knowing how much better she was compared to other teachers...
But it was fun.
Just pure innocence and nth more.
Sec 2 was the year i finally found the meaning for me to go to school.
I started looking forward to fridays.
And I started looking forward to mondays tuesdays wednesdays and thursdays too becos i would want friday to come.
and then the week would end and i would look forward to monday all over agn.
I nvr knew i would find so much hard sweat tears and frendship in this new found meaning to go to school.
this newfound love in this place.
Sec 3. I didn't know wad i was walking into when i stepped into the role of ASM.
No one told me.
No one probably knew anyway.
But i soon realised wad it meant.
The responsibilities that came with it.
Homework cast aside studies became secondary.
For this newfound love that i found.
this new found goal in life.
that everybody in there worked towards.
Altho i nvr knew wad was involved behind everything.
I wasnt supposed to know and i shudnt noe anyway.
But i realised soonafter.
That there was more to it than meets the eye.
In this newfound love that i found.
Deep inside, I vowed nvr to allow us to turn that way.
On the surface, all it looked like was I was trying to coordinate stuff.
But nobody knew.
Nobody knew that i was in actual fact using this newfound love as an avenue to forget.
Forget and numb.
All the pain.
All the lies.
Everything.
For this new was the only place i was happy at.
This was the only place that could bring joy to me.
I went home everyday only thinking abt the work and the needs the place gave me.
All the times blood and sweat that i went thru in that place.
All the love. All the joy. And all the tears.
Finally it was all over. But it was oso the start of a new beginning.
Once again.
I didnt know what this new beginning would bring.
True, I had doubts abt how i would turn out.
But I tried my best to make sure it would work out.
I didnt want my love to sublimate into thin air.
The first hurdle was a mess.
But we all enjoyed it.
Once again, it was an event of tear floodgates.
But for us, it was only the beginning.
It never really sunk in that it was the start of the end..
At the same time. 
I got to know new people.
New friends.
People i thought i could trust and confide in.
That were so amazingly similar.
And i went into the new year with so much hope.
So much more optimism.
But physically.
I knew I was tired.
But i hung on.
The second chapter of my new found life.
Contained both happy and sorrowful times.
But i would never regret those times.
I enjoyed Fridays.
every friday.
it was a time i threw aside everything.
Everything.
And just be myself.
Enjoy myself.
Those were the happy times.
Other times were spent.
Listening to stories.
Amazing stuff that were never true.
And I believed.
I believed a friend i really trusted.
Only to realise that everything was but a lie.
But if i could go back.
Turn back time.
I would do it all over again.
For if not for those times.
I would nvr have known another frend.
Some1 who knew me inside out.
Some1 i could talk to abt anything in e world.
Those times spent on e phone till 6am.
Memories I will always rmb.
A year of ups and downs.
New frends lost frends, blood sweat tears.
brotherhood that i'll never wanna lose.
In a flash,
everything was over.
I stepped into the new year with uncertainty.
Doubts.
Insecurities and unahppiness.
thinking abt wad could hv been.
But it also allowed me to find new people.
New people in my lifes.
People that i truely love.
People who are always there.
The few people who will always be there.
2 People i alr knew.
1 more i alr knew but finally realised was there.
And 1 more person i really care for.
And love the most.
Thinking abt everything.
If time could turn back.
I would probably still do the same thing.
But i would hv to admit I would wanna change some things.
But that's what made life the way it is isnt it.
1 more day.
just 1 more day.
How I wish i can turn back the clock.
Amazing race.
Chuan deng.
Drama centre.
Black box.
Murder scene.
Dao ju shi.
Saw.
Drill.
Rotten wood.
Birthday cake.
28th birthday.
Strip poker.
Ulu pandan.
Walk to mac.
Pingtai.
Lamppost.
I will remember.
One and only.
Huagang.